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wedding gift too small?


Newly-weds e-mail to guest – gift too stingy?!?!


The act of attending a wedding can often be as expensive and stressful as throwing it. Particularly when you consider just how many people are having “destination weddings”, the destination usually being some place where they shot the sunny bits in Game Of Thrones and only has one weekly flight out of Luton airport. If anyone – parent, guest, kindly passing millionaire – decides to give you a cash gift on top of the expense they are already taking up to attend your wedding, that person is on the top of your Nice List for ever, regardless of how much money they gave you.

UNLESS you are this couple.  A post on mumsnet this week has caused a storm on the internet.

A pair of newly-weds have sparked outrage after emailing a guest to say that her wedding gift wasn’t generous enough.

The guest – an ex-colleague of the bride – professed herself ‘gobsmacked’ that the couple had been rude enough to bemoan her £100 contribution in response for cash gifts.


Unsurprisingly the post caused quite a stir and there were over a thousand responses.  Ranging from ‘destroy the cheque – they don’t deserve it’ to ‘Grabby and greedy is really an understatement here. On reflection, I think I might email “You MUST be kidding?!” back to her with no other comment and then never speak to them again.’

I think my personal response would have been ‘I confess that I was initially surprised at your seemingly ungrateful response to my wedding gift until I realised that you weren’t actually undervaluing my contribution – you were overvaluing the warmth of my good wishes’.

The wedding guest  responded to say that they cheque had already been cashed, and that the newly-weds had returned from their honeymoon in ‘an exotic destination’ – paid for by the bride’s parents-in-law – some weeks ago.

But after being bolstered by the Mumsnet community, she decided to reply. ‘It’s unlikely I’ll bump into B&G [the bride and groom] much in the future as I’m retired now,’ she said.

‘However I’ve just replied to her email with one sentence: “I assume this was some sort of mistake?”‘

Some days later, she returned to the thread to confirm that the bride had still not responded.

Who are this couple? I demand to know.  Most women that I know are just extremely grateful to receive a gift and then beat themselves up six months later when they still haven’t sent any thank-you cards.

Who is this person, who is sending crisp, elegantly worded emails to her guests (her GUESTS!) about how much money she deems appropriate to be gifted in return for getting married? I am a mix of uniquely horrified and deeply impressed, the way you are when you watch a serial-killer documentary.

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© 2016 Emma Bovington