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Conversations you need to have before you get married


The important topics you need to cover before you say ‘I do’

Even if you’ve been together for 10 years or lived together since uni, relationship expectations can change once you get married. Make sure you and your other half are on the same page by having these important conversations before you tie the knot.  You’ll regret it if you don’t!

Don’t just ask whether your other half wants kids (although obviously this is key!), but talk about how many, when they want to have them and their parenting expectations. Who will be staying at home looking after the babies? How did their parents raise them? The last thing you will want is to be in a position where your partner wants one of you to be a stay at home parent and you don’t.

Where you want to put down roots?
Do you dream of one day moving away from the city and settling down in the country? Want to move closer to your parents as they get older? These are things you need to let your spouse-to-be know.  There is nothing worse than a few years down the line you being drawn to the country life, or wanting to move to the suburbs to start a family and your partner just wants to carry on partying in the city every night of the week.

Life goals
Whether it’s a desire to do a year of charitable work abroad, wanting to take up clarinet lessons or a childhood dream of visiting Disneyworld let your partner know your biggest dreams and lifelong ambitions.  Your life goals don’t have to be the same but some shared would be a bonus.

Career aspirations
Want to be CEO of your own company or happy just to stay in the job you have? These career goals are things your other half needs to know so they can plan their own careers too.

Avoid future rows by talking about any loans or debts you have racked up over the years. Also talk about your banking plans – whether you’d like to have a shared bank account or separate – and how you plan to split bills.  Finances can be a really bone of contention.

Relationship history
Eeek! It’s not always pleasant listening (or telling) but it’s good to understand your partner’s past relationships, why they ended and what terms they are on now. But also can be a real issue so tread carefully with this one!

Housework division
How many rows have started because of a dirty pile or washing or a greasy frying pan? Agree on how you plan to divvy up the housework and be clear if you want anything to change once you get married.

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© 2016 Emma Bovington